House of Belonging Read online

  Laina laughed and told him he wouldn’t have to convince her, that she lived in Manhattan too, having just opened her second restaurant in the city. She didn’t mention her Michelin rating. She didn’t have to. Patrick was completely enraptured by her, and the feeling was mutual. She’d been single for almost eight months by that time, having ended her relationship with Jack Sterling the previous fall. While Jack had certainly not been the love of her life, the relationship had been all- consuming, and Laina had needed some alone time afterward to remind herself of who she was at her core. Laina figured she’d know when she was ready to move on, and from the moment she met Patrick, it was full speed ahead.

  His drinking hadn’t been out of control when they’d first started dating, or had it been? Laina still wondered if he’d been just that good at hiding it, as Van had suggested to her when she’d finally realized how serious his problem was just before their breakup. Early on, it was just another part of what made him so attractive. He lived on the edge, never saying no to anything. Experiences. Drinks. Other women. Drugs. Laina wasn’t aware of the latter until that last day. It wasn’t that he wanted those things more than he wanted Laina. Patrick loved her with a white-hot intensity. When she was with him, she was his sun. But Patrick was trying to fill a hole that was bottomless, attempting to slay demons he’d faced since his childhood. He’d told her and no one else about them. He’d trusted her. She’d promised Patrick that she would never discuss his past with anyone else. It contained Patrick’s secrets, the ones that had mercifully died with him.

  Laina glanced over at Logan, who’d been listening quietly. He smiled at her, taking her hand and squeezing it encouragingly. She’d come this far. It felt strangely cathartic to talk to him about it. She wondered how he’d feel about the way things had ended, though. She decided there was no turning back.

  Patrick’s drinking had gotten so bad, it began to affect his writing and singing. He’d been in a very successful band with his brother, Jeremy, and they cowrote most of their songs together. Jeremy had been well aware that his brother had been cheating on Laina, and it frustrated him. He, too, had developed a close relationship with Laina, since he and Patrick lived together when they weren’t out on tour. At times, she suspected that Jeremy had deeper feelings for her than he should, but then he’d never done anything in particular to confirm those suspicions. One night, Laina had been alone in Patrick’s apartment, having used her key to get in and pack up the few things she’d kept at his place. She’d been verbally assaulted that morning at her restaurant by a woman who’d been so descriptive about certain tattooed parts of Patrick’s body, it was obvious she’d had physical relations with him. It was the first time Laina had been confronted with what had, up until that point, only been rumors. She knew his drinking had spiraled into drug use, and that he was likely trying to find other ways to feel numb, but she’d decided that the affair was her match in the powder keg. It solidified something she’d been mulling over: her decision to sell her restaurant to the group, which had been persistently trying to buy it, and move to Aspen. She needed to live in a healthier, less emotionally toxic place, that was as far from New York as she could get. Van finally agreeing to move with her pushed her in the right direction, but it was Patrick’s behavior that had ultimately convinced her.

  She’d finished a letter she’d written to him, leaving it on the kitchen counter, and had gone back into Patrick’s bedroom to pack her final few things when Jeremy showed up in the doorway. Laina looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. She hadn’t even realized she’d been crying until she saw Jeremy’s face flare with anger first, then sympathy, then something else altogether. He knelt down to where she’d been folding her shirts on the floor and took Laina’s face in his hands.

  “He doesn’t deserve you, Laina. He never did.” Jeremy crushed his lips to hers, forcing open her mouth to accept his intrusion. Laina was too shocked to do anything and too numb to push back. She felt like she was outside of herself, watching what was happening with Patrick’s brother with a morbid fascination. So this is what it was like to kiss Jeremy? He did have feelings for her after all. She felt her wits start to return after a few moments, and was about to push him away, when Patrick showed up, wasted as usual.

  “Fuck.”

  He stood in the doorway of his bedroom, taking in the scene and getting the wrong idea about what had just taken place between his girlfriend and his brother. Jeremy snickered, standing up to meet his brother faceto-face.

  “You fucking horse’s ass. You screw up everything you touch. Always have. Don’t blame her for choosing the sober brother.”

  With that, Jeremy stared at his brother a moment longer before pushing past Patrick to leave. Laina heard the door slam, shuddering at the way the sound punctuated the moment. It was the end. Of Laina and Patrick. Of Patrick’s relationship with his brother. Of Patrick’s will to live, but then Laina didn’t know that at the time.

  She’d zipped up her bag, telling Patrick she was sorry but that she couldn’t do it anymore and then left the apartment in tears. It was the last time she’d see or talk to either of the brothers.

  Until Jeremy’s letter had arrived, essentially blaming Patrick’s overdose on himself and Laina.

  CHAPTER

  FOURTEEN

  Logan could sense that Laina was finished talking, but instead of interrupting the peace, he simply took her hand in his as they continued to rock back and forth on the porch swing. He knew it had to have been incredibly emotional for her to share those painful details with him, but Logan was grateful she’d felt comfortable enough to do so. They sat together in silence for a few moments, letting the story wash over them before Laina spoke again.

  “You must think I’m a terrible person. For leaving things the way I did, so unresolved with Patrick. I never corrected the idea he had about what had happened between myself and Jeremy. I thought it would be easier that way, and I didn’t want to come between brothers. I knew Jeremy wouldn’t admit to Patrick that he’d been the aggressor, so I hoped they’d at least be able to mend their relationship, ‘ignorance is bliss’ and all of that. In my mind, our differences at that point were irreconcilable. But maybe I should have made it clear to Patrick that I didn’t cheat with his brother. Maybe Jeremy’s right; Patrick wouldn’t have felt the need to work so hard to stay numb. I can’t help feeling that we are each responsible in some way for his overdose.”

  Logan squeezed her hand before answering. “Patrick’s death was not your fault. It sounds to me like his addiction was ruling his life at that point. You couldn’t have helped him if he couldn’t manage to help himself. First rule of addiction, Laina.”

  Logan paused, not sure if he should share his thoughts about Jeremy. “I’m disgusted that his brother saw fit to reach out to you in such a cruel way. He clearly has some guilt over his own behavior, and is looking to lay some of it at your feet. Don’t allow him to do that. It’s your decision, but you must realize that you have no reason to own any of Jeremy’s stuff. Also, I hope to God I never have occasion to meet him.”

  Laina shuddered at the thought. Jeremy had indicated in his letter a desire to see Laina again at some point, but she didn’t think that would be healthy for either of them. Laina hadn’t mentioned it to Logan during the course of their talk, and she felt she’d made the right decision. There wouldn’t be a meeting between her and Jeremy. Not if she could help it.

  She turned to face Logan for the first time, the side of his face dimly lit from the kitchen light they’d left on in her house. “Thank you for listening. I’m sorry to ruin our evening talking about this stuff. Nothing says romance like discussing an ex.”

  Logan smiled softly, shaking his head. “It’s strange. I feel like nothing has been orthodox about you and me. It took us a year of false starts for you to admit how awesome and irresistible I am. Our first date was a sleepover. And we’re not even two dates in, and we know each other’s deepest, darkest secrets.” He looked at
Laina pointedly. “Wanna try out some casual conversation, see how that goes?”

  Laina laughed. “Well, OK, we could give that a shot.” She thought for a moment. “I talked to my parents today. They’ve been working on opening a wellness center back home in California for the past few years, and it’s kind of a big deal. They’ve asked me to travel home for the big kickoff next weekend. I’m not sure I can manage it, though. I couldn’t ask Van to take on that much responsibility at the restaurant so early on.”

  Logan was impressed. “Wow, that sounds pretty important. When do they want you to come? I’m sure Van would tell you to go. Don’t you think?”

  Laina nodded. “Of course he would, which is why I hesitate to ask. He would never say no. It’s just that they want me there a few days early. They said they need to talk to me about something, which is a little unsettling. And this kickoff event is not going to be small. It’s kind of a who’s who in the spiritual and alternative medicine world. Black tie. The whole deal. I’m not comfortable at those things, and I don’t really want to go alone.”

  Logan chose his words carefully. “Hear me out. What if you flew home midweek, spent some time with your parents, and maybe I could fly in just to take you to the event? If it’s not too soon for me to meet your family? OK—it totally is. But we could tell them I’m just a friend. I think you should go, Laina. I would suggest you take Van, but I know he needs to be here to cover for you, so you’re stuck with me as an option, if you decide you want to bring a date.”

  Laina leaned in to kiss him, stopping him midsentence. This man was constantly impressing her. She was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He couldn’t be this thoughtful, this giving. In that moment, she didn’t care to consider the alternative.

  Logan stood up, pulling Laina into his arms, their lips desperate for more of each other, the heightened emotions of the night fueling their passion. Logan felt her gasp and had to stop himself from doing the same when their tongues met, his hands sliding up her shoulders and into her hair so he could better control the kiss.

  Laina couldn’t quite get close enough to him, but she wanted to try. Stepping her feet a little wider, she pressed herself against him, forcing a deep groan out of Logan that made her feel a little light-headed. They were frenzied, unable to quench the desire that had been building between them with kisses any longer.

  “Come inside with me.” Logan led her by the hand to the front door, opening it to let Laina lead the way. Once they were in the living room, he turned toward her before sitting down on the couch and pulling her onto his lap. With Laina’s knees straddling him, the two of them sunk down into the comfort of the big soft couch. Logan slid his hands slowly up the back of Laina’s sweater, feeling her shiver at his touch. His hands were strong and calloused, and the effect of them on her back made Laina think she might be losing her self- control. She let her own hands reach down to untuck his shirt so that she could reach underneath, giving her hands the opportunity to explore the expanse of his chest and torso. Logan groaned again, shifting in an unsuccessful effort to get comfortable. It was the best version of uncomfortable he’d ever experienced. The fire burned between them, until it was as if they both sensed things were careening toward the point of no return, so they both slowed their pace, and Laina eventually peeled herself away from him, climbing off his lap to settle next to him within the crook of his arm. Logan took a minute to catch his breath.

  “So, does that mean you’ll let me escort you to the event? Because I want to be clear . . .”

  Laina giggled. “I’m not sure you realize what you’re in for, but if you’re willing to subject yourself to the laser scrutiny of my mother and all of her very intuitive friends, who am I to say no?”

  She leaned up to kiss him again, softly this time. “Thank you for listening tonight, Logan. And for your willingness to be so open. You continue to surprise me.”

  Logan had to stop himself from revisiting that delicious little spot on the side of her neck with his mouth. He licked his lips, the taste of her still there. “I’m just full of surprises. And I can’t wait to see you in formal wear. If you look this good in jeans and a sweater, I can only imagine.”

  They talked a while longer and decided that Logan would fly into LAX the following Friday, the morning of the event. Laina would leave Wednesday morning, so she would only need to ask Van to cover the Wednesday through Saturday dinner service. They could catch an early flight back home from LA on Sunday, and Laina would be back in time to work. It was well after midnight when Laina stifled a small yawn.

  Logan chuckled. “OK, I’m leaving. I know this week is going to be busy, for me too. Call or text when you have time, but don’t feel like we need to get together. I’ll have you all weekend long. A nice, taking-it-slow kind of weekend.” He kissed her one last time just that way. Long and slow.

  Laina slept peacefully that night, a smile on her face when her head hit the pillow.

  The chime of her cell phone woke Laina just before seven on Monday morning. She smiled when she saw it was Logan.

  Logan: How did you sleep? Without me there, probably not very well.

  Laina: If I recall correctly, the sleep I got next to you was VERY minimal. Last night=dreamless.

  Logan: Can you blame me? Hey, I didn’t get a chance to tell you last night. I’m getting together with Viv and Sienna tonight for some baby talk. If all goes well, we’ll meet with doc Wed or Thurs. (Can’t do Friday. I’ve got a hot date.)

  Laina: Really? That was fast. How are you feeling about it? The meeting. Not the hot date.

  Logan: Great, actually. At peace. Feels right. V&S will be such great moms.

  Laina: You’re incredible. I’ll txt later. I’m late to meet the girls for breakfast. I’m sure they’ll be plying me for info.

  Logan: That’s ok. I’m off to my yoga class anyway. Not.

  Laina: Go easy on those hamstrings.

  Laina replayed their evening again on her drive over to meet the girls for breakfast at Element 47 inside of the Little Nell. Over the past year, the four friends had tried to get together anytime India and Violet were in town, and since they were headed back to Tennessee in the morning, Willow had arranged for the group to share one last meal before they had to say goodbye.

  Laina was the last to arrive, rushing to her seat after breathlessly leaning down to kiss each of her friends on the cheek.

  “Sorry I’m late. You will almost never hear this from me, but I actually overslept. I think this crazy weekend got the best of me.” As she put her napkin on her lap and accepted the coffee the waitress offered, she missed the look exchanged among her friends.

  Willow had already heard the same excuse earlier that morning. “Hmm, that’s the same thing Logan said. I guess he had a late night too, which was his reason for being tardy for fishing this morning with Wyatt and Rex. Weird, because my brother is never late.” Willow sipped her coffee, watching Laina’s face closely for any kind of reaction.

  Laina thought they’d at least give her a moment to get her wits about her, but not these ladies. Willow had just dropped the velvet ax on her. She decided she wasn’t going to make this too easy for them.

  “Huh, must be something in the air.” She studied the menu, even though she knew it by heart and would likely choose the buffet anyway. “India, Violet, I’ll bet you’re ready to get home. I heard Susan and Finn left yesterday for Tennessee? Were they traumatized after having to take care of all of the kids while we were camping?”

  India laughed. “Well, they did say something about scheduling yet another vacation soon—just the two of them. I think we’ll probably leave them alone for a while. The kids can be overwhelming when they’re all together.”

  Violet wasn’t going to let Laina off the hook. “So, back to the reason you’re so tired. A little birdie told us that you had a date with Logan last night. Or have our sources misled us?”

  Violet’s red hair was lit up from the sun slanting in through the window behind h
er, enhancing her beauty and making her seem even more formidable than usual to Laina, who wasn’t easily intimidated. She’d gotten to know Violet pretty well, and recognized that she was using her presence to her advantage in this situation. Laina thought she’d be better off at this point to just fess up.

  “OK, you hens! Yes, we had a drink at my house last night after the restaurant closed. Just a chance to sit and get to know each other a little better.”

  Violet snickered. “Oh, I don’t know. Rex told me you guys got to know each other pretty well at the campout. He was wandering around in the woods in the middle of the night, looking for a place to pee, when he thought he heard a bear. Turns out, the growling was coming from one of our neighbors.” Smiling sweetly, she reached for a sugar, tearing open the packet and dumping the contents into her coffee.

  Willow’s jaw hung open. “Violet! Leave her alone. She’ll never have breakfast with us again.” Turning toward Laina, she was about to apologize for their bold friend when something caught her eye at the front of the restaurant. “Hey, is that Buck? And was he just here on a breakfast date? How juicy!”

  The ladies turned together to see Logan’s handsome coworker escorting a thin blonde out of the restaurant. They couldn’t see her face, but when Buck turned to thank the hostess, he was grinning from ear to ear.

  “He’s such a good-looking man. I feel like that’s what Wyatt will look like when he’s older. So distinguished, and perfectly salt and peppered. And that beard—mmm.” India swiveled back around to the surprised faces of her friends. “What? Don’t tell me you all haven’t thought the same thing. Just because we’ve already ordered, ladies, doesn’t mean we can’t take a peek at the menu.”

  Across town, Logan was getting a similar grilling at the hands of Wyatt, Rex, and Garrett. The morning had started out peacefully enough, with the four friends standing in the gentle current of Maroon Creek, fly-fishing and enjoying the warm and sunny weather. Garrett had caught the first trout of the day, setting off a flurry of friendly competition among the others to do better.