House of Belonging Read online

  Rex wasn’t having much luck, so he decided to shift the focus. “Speaking of a good catch, Chef Laina seems to fit the bill, eh, Logan?”

  Logan had his hat pulled down over his eyes, but there wasn’t enough room to hide from their inquisition. In truth, he was dying. If he couldn’t be with her, he’d settle for talking to his friends about her.

  “She’s the real deal, fellas. Smart, funny, ridiculously gorgeous. And she’s deep. We had a good night last night. That’s why I was late this morning.” Seeing their surprised faces, he hurriedly added, “I got home late last night. Not this morning. So I overslept. Very innocent. Well, very might be a stretch.” He turned toward Garrett. “If you tell my sister, I’ll have to kill you. That’s up to Laina to share with the girls. I don’t want to screw this up.” He finished attaching a fly to his line, preparing to cast again. “She invited me to go with her to meet her parents in California next weekend. Well, I invited myself, technically, but she said I could come.”

  Garrett laughed. “Sometimes you have to invite yourself along. I did it with Willow, and look where that got me. You ready to join the brass ring club, buddy?” He wriggled his hand, pointing to the wedding band he wore on his fourth finger.

  Logan sighed, surprising himself with the answer. “Honestly? For the first time in my life, I’m not repelled by the idea, which is both exciting and terrifying. It’s early enough that the excitement is winning out. For now anyway. But I keep looking over my shoulder, waiting for the fear to creep up on me.”

  Wyatt shook his head. “When you know, you know. Day one for me with India. There was something about her. It felt like she was made for me. I cannot imagine being single again; there would never be anyone who could fill her shoes.”

  Rex was watching them all with interest. “Listen, guys. As much as I feel ridiculous in these waders having this conversation, I’ll admit that I feel the same way about Vi. She completes me and all of that.” He turned to look at Logan. “I can see that you’ve been sunk, Logan, even if you haven’t fully surrendered yet. Don’t waste time worrying about the terror. It will always be there, in one form or another. First, you’ll worry she’s going to realize you’re not good enough for her, which let’s face it—none of us are good enough for them. Then you’ll get married and you’ll worry that your life as you once knew it is over. And you’ll be right again. Finally, if you’re lucky enough to become a father, you’ll worry every damned day that your wife and child will have something terrible happen to them, robbing you of everything that you consider important in life. So embrace the fear. It’s part of the process, brother. And I’ll tell you a little secret: if Laina’s the one, she’ll be worth every bit of it.”

  CHAPTER

  FIFTEEN

  Logan wasn’t sure what the protocol was for meeting friends to discuss being their sperm donor. Should he bring flowers? Wine? His medical records? Luckily, he’d recently been in to see his doctor for his yearly checkup, now a requirement after the liver transplant, so he knew he at least had a clean bill of health to offer them.

  He settled on wine and flowers, since it felt like a big deal. He was going into this blind. They hadn’t discussed any of the logistics, so there was a lot to talk about. He suspected the wine might come in handy when they got to the more personal topics. A quick Google search had given him an idea of what to expect, but he didn’t know if their doctor would work the same way.

  He parked his Bronco in the driveway, blown away by their location. They had built a beautiful home on Red Mountain, which Vivian had designed herself years ago when she’d sold her first architecture firm. Lucky for them, they’d built before the prices had skyrocketed. It was impossible to find a home on their street now for less than $8 million.

  It was early evening in Aspen, so when Logan turned around to admire the jaw-dropping view, the city lights were twinkling before him. He gazed in the direction of the restaurant, wondering how Laina’s dinner service was going. It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours, and he was already wondering how he’d make it until Friday without seeing her. They’d texted a few times, but both of them had been busy. Logan had spent the rest of the day helping Garrett with some repairs over at Walland House, and Laina was getting everything in order so Van would be prepared to step in during her absence. Since she was taking off in two days for California, he was trying to leave her alone so she could get ready to go.

  “It’s beautiful up here, isn’t it?” Sienna had seen him pull up, so she walked down the front pathway to meet Logan. “It’s like living on top of the world.” She followed Logan’s gaze. “We are so happy that our child will get to grow up here in Aspen. It’s such a special place. It feels protected from the world, don’t you think? The energy is pure. And we know that our child will have a special connection with nature. Or at least we hope so.”

  Logan nodded. “I agree. It’s strange how different it feels from Colorado Springs, which is where I lived before this. I think it’s because it’s completely tucked into the mountains. It’s not easy to get here. All good things in life take effort, right? If something is worth having, it’s worth working for.” He turned to look at Sienna. “Are we still talking about Aspen?”

  They laughed together as Vivian came down the steps to join them on the driveway. They exchanged hellos, then decided to wander around back to sit outside on the terrace and enjoy the wine Logan had brought them while they talked. Once they were settled, Vivian raised her glass in a toast to the three of them. “To you, Logan, and your generous and selfless offer to help us start our family. You will never know how grateful we are for this gift.” They clinked glasses, and Vivian paused before taking a sip. “I’d better enjoy this. My days of having a glass of wine are numbered.” She smiled softly at Sienna.

  Logan was surprised. “So does that mean you’re going to carry the baby? I was wondering about that. I guessed wrong. I thought for sure it would be Sienna.”

  The women looked at each other before Sienna answered. “I know, as the ‘earth mother hippie,’ I might seem like the obvious choice. That was our plan, in fact. I would have loved to have had the privilege of carrying our child. Unfortunately, the doctor told us last month when we began exploring this idea that I likely couldn’t conceive. Or that it would be much harder for me to get pregnant than it would for Viv.” Sadness flickered across her face, but only for a moment. “It’s OK, though. Vivian has agreed to do it, and we’re in this together.”

  Vivian studied Logan. “There is a lot to discuss, Logan, and we want to be fully honest with you about everything. A good place to start would be to tell you that because I’m in my early forties, we’ve been told this pregnancy could be high risk. It could also take us a while to conceive, which means you’ll need to be . . . available . . . when ideal conditions are present. I guess we should start there. Do you have issues with either of those things?”

  Logan took a big sip of wine. “When you say ‘high risk,’ do you mean for you or the baby?”

  Vivian answered him. “Both of us, actually. I have hereditary high blood pressure, which the doctors say can make things more difficult, but that it’s usually manageable with careful monitoring and sometimes late-term bed rest. And as for our baby, well, there are always risks of genetic abnormalities when a woman is over forty.” She looked at Sienna, who finished the thought.

  “Vivian and I are committed to seeing this pregnancy through, regardless. We won’t be doing genetic testing, because no matter what, we want this child. The child that we know is meant for us, irrespective of any potential challenges. We just want you to know the risks and to feel comfortable with them too. This baby will be genetically linked to you too, after all.”

  Logan was blown away. He hadn’t considered all the medical intricacies, but he surprised himself in the moment when he wasn’t deterred by them. “Ladies, I have to tell you, I’m here to help you in any way I can. It’s not really my place to be weighing in on these kinds of decisions w
hen I’m simply providing the seeds. You guys are the ones who will grow the garden and do all of the work. My job is simple. And yes, I know there’s a joke in there somewhere.”

  They laughed before talking more about the medical nuts and bolts. Logan assured them that he was medically cleared, and let them know that he’d even had a full STD screening as a part of his physical the month before.

  “I’m as clean as a clock. There hasn’t been anyone new since I received my glowing bill of health, so rest easy. But full disclosure: that could change this weekend.”

  Vivian and Sienna looked back at him, neither of them surprised. “You’re going to California. We know. Laina told me this morning after yoga. We missed you there, by the way.” Sienna winked at him.

  Logan winced. “Yeah, I have this leg thing going on, so once I get that worked out, I’ll see about getting back to class.” He smiled. “So she told you I’m meeting her in LA? What else did she say?”

  Sienna laughed. “Oh, that’s highly confidential, Logan. But I will tell you that she is very much looking forward to spending the weekend with you.” She paused. “Speaking of Laina. I know you guys are brand-new, but we want to make sure that you take everything into consideration. Laina assured us that she is comfortable with you being a part of this, so we aren’t worried about that. She brought up a valid point, though. Do you want to be a part of our child’s life, in any way?” Sienna looked at Vivian before continuing. “Because we’ve discussed it, and we want you to know that you’re welcome to have a relationship with this child if you want one. By the same token, we will not take it personally if you decide not to.”

  Vivian sighed. “Our attorneys are recommending that we draw up papers that would legally sever your parental rights. We know it’s a technicality, but it sounds so cold to us. How do you feel about that?”

  Logan thought about it for a moment. “I understand. They are protecting you, which is what lawyers do. I’m comfortable with that. Again, this is your child.” He hesitated. “But if you would want the baby to know that I helped him or her join your family, I’m OK with that too. It doesn’t feel like something that should be a secret. I’d be honored to have a relationship of some kind with your child. But only inasmuch as you’re comfortable with it. Tell me when you want me. For the guy stuff, I guess. Or however you want to frame it. Listen, this kid is so lucky to have the two of you as moms; I don’t think you’re going to be needing me for help. But if you do, I’ll be there for you.”

  Sienna used her fingers to blot out her tears. “This is a blessed little person we’re going to have, you guys.” Holding hands with Vivian, she looked at Logan.

  “So here’s the interesting news. We called the doctor this morning because of where Viv is in her cycle. If you’re comfortable with this, we can get some basic legal documents drawn up overnight. If it’s not rushing you, we’d actually like to have our first attempt at insemination take place at the end of this week. Which means . . .”

  Logan blushed. “Which means you need me to deliver the goods sooner than later? OK. So how’s that going to work? I mean, do I have to go into the office with you? Or is this an at-home kind of thing, and then I bring it to you? Or you pick it up? I know—how about another bottle of wine?”

  Vivian laughed, refilling his glass. “The doctor would prefer that you come into the office to donate, but first they need to run a few basic blood tests. You could go in tomorrow to do those, and if all goes well, you could go back on Wednesday and Thursday for two separate donations, and then Sienna and I could have our appointment for insemination on Friday. You wouldn’t have to be there for that, obviously. Don’t worry. They are very discreet, and there is a private room with everything you’ll need for . . . motivation.”

  Logan cleared his throat. “OK, then. Tomorrow, blood work. Wednesday and Thursday, a little public shame. I can handle that. How soon will we know if it worked?”

  Sienna sat forward excitedly. “Surprisingly soon, thanks to the accuracy of blood tests. You’ll be the first person we tell, we promise.” She stood up, holding her arms out for a hug. “What do you say, guys? Let’s make a baby together!”

  Everything went smoothly with Logan’s initial screening, so he scheduled appointments for both Wednesday and Thursday mornings at nine, hoping he could get the donations over with early in the day. He prayed that the office would be quiet at that hour. The last thing he wanted was to get stage fright. On Wednesday morning, he’d texted back and forth early with Laina, while she was riding in an Uber to the airport to leave for California.

  Logan: Any chance you’d be able to call me around 9 . . . whisper some sweet nothings into my ear for inspiration?

  Laina: I’m sure there will be plenty of material in the office for you to choose from.

  Logan: What? Dirty magazines? Never really been my thing. I prefer mysterious ravenhaired beauties with hazel eyes.

  Laina: Well, just think about our upcoming weekend, imagine what it might be like. Worked for me.

  Logan: Wait. Did you just admit you’ve fantasized about me? That is so hot.

  Laina: I’ve got to go. Hope everything shakes out ok.

  Logan: That’s not funny. But thanks for the visual. I think I’m good to go now.

  Logan arrived at the office, where a kind and mercifully older nurse showed him into a small room that housed a recliner and a side table with a computer. There was a rack that held an assortment of books and magazines on the floor, and a box of Kleenex on a small table next to an empty plastic cup. The nurse told him that when he was finished, he should place the cup inside a two-way metal box in the wall and push a button that would illuminate a light on the other side, indicating that she could collect it.

  He’d had a joke prepared about whether the nurse would buy him a drink first, but when she’d turned out to be his grandmother’s age, he thought better about using comedy to defuse the situation, keeping his nervous chatter to a minimum. When she’d closed the door behind her, Logan walked over to triple-check the lock before turning back around to survey the room.

  He picked up a magazine and leafed through it, setting it back down in disinterest. A single click of the mouse showed him that the computer contained a link to a free porn site, which didn’t feel like the way he wanted to bring Viv and Sienna’s child into the world.

  So Logan sat down in the recliner, removed the cap from the cup to have it ready, and unzipped his pants before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes.

  Good old-fashioned imagination would have to do the trick this time.

  Laina was almost always the first thing he saw when he let his mind wander now, and this time was no different. He conjured up the image of her standing with her back to him in the lake that night of the campout, but in this fantasy, she wasn’t wearing her swimsuit. The full moon cast a warm glow on her bare back, and as she heard him approaching, she turned to face him, her arms crossed over her bare chest. Logan. She said his name, asking him to join her. He stepped out of his boxer briefs, striding toward where she waited for him in the water. As he drew closer, Laina lowered her hands, revealing her small, perfect breasts, with nipples that instantly hardened at the exposure to the cool air. Logan leaned in to suck on her neck, his hands cupping her, teasing her nipples gently, provoking a gasp from her parted lips. He could hear the thunder in the background, but he was in no hurry to leave the lake.

  This was his fantasy, after all. There wouldn’t be any damned lightning to ruin things this time.

  Where am I? Oh right. Laina moaning. He slid his arms around to her back, letting himself absorb the feeling of her slick, wet skin as he allowed his hands to travel lower, below the water, to the small of her back. Her ass felt incredible in his hands, and he lifted her up, closer to him so that her body met his. Laina’s hands wound their way down his chest and torso, into the water, and found him there, hard and ready for . . .

  The cup. Where is the cup!

  Logan had never been
so grateful for good aim in his life. If it weren’t for some fortuitous quick thinking, he would have had to leave the room completely humiliated because he’d let himself get lost in the fantasy. How would he have explained that to Viv and Sienna?

  Tomorrow, he decided, he’d simply make do with the porn.

  Logan checked his phone once he was back in his truck and decided to see if he could reach Laina before she left town.

  Logan: Have you taken off yet?

  Laina: Nope. On the plane now, taxiing. Have YOU taken off?

  Logan: Roger that. All I can say is . . . thank God I have a vivid imagination.

  Laina: Anything you want to share?

  Logan: I don’t want to violate any FCC rules. So no. I’ll tell you when I see you.

  Laina: Tell me, or show me?

  Logan: Stop it. Are you trying to send me back into that office? I might break donor records!

  Laina: Ha! Taking off. Talk later? Xoxo

  Logan: Be safe. I can’t wait to see you.

  CHAPTER

  SIXTEEN

  Laina had moved away from the West Coast right after high school and hadn’t lived in California since. She questioned that decision for a moment when she felt the warm, humid air greet her in the Jetway. It was so welcome after living in the dry mountain climate.

  It had been a long travel day since she’d been unable to book a nonstop flight with such late notice, instead connecting through Denver. She was starving when she landed, so after she’d picked up her rental car, she made a quick detour to swing by her favorite coffee shop in Santa Monica. She loved the cozy vibe of the place, filled with writers and creative types clicking away on their laptops and iPads. Also, she was craving their famous ginger tea, which they brewed strong enough to clear a person’s sinuses in a hurry.